10) Do: Squirt any slippery cream, vaseline, or lotion product inside your bike or run shoes, to make your foot slip n' slide right in during transition. Don't (guys): Use your wife's new and expensive Pomegranate-Vanilla Body Crème.
9) Do: Let the zipper pulley string on the back of your wetsuit hang free, as it's easier to grab as you run out of the swim. Don't: Grab other people's free-hanging zipper pulley strings as you swim past them.
8) Do: Leave your bike shoes attached to your bike pedals and perform a barefoot mount as you pass the mount line. Don't: Go bragging to your neighboors that you're a "barefoot mounter" - they won't know what you mean
and will likely be very concerned.
7) Do: Keep your hands free by leaving your cap and goggles on until after you've removed at least the upper part of your wetsuit. Don't: Keep the goggles on the rest of the race to save time in transition and money on sunglasses.
6) Do: Run through transition prior to the race to practice spotting your bike. Don't: Hang helium balloons from your bike, paint your bike neon colors, or rip your car alarm out of your car, hang it on your bike handlebars, and activate it as you run through transition.
5) Do: Wear your heart rate monitor, watch, and race belt under your wetsuit to save time. Don't: Wear your bike helmet under your swim cap to also save time.
4) Do: Put your sunglasses inside your helmet so you can easily locate them. Don't: Forget that you did this and put your helmet on, then run around transition screaming if anyone has seen your sunglasses.
3) Do: Roll your socks down so that your feet slip into them more quickly.
Don't: Squirt that lotion stuff into your socks.
2) Do: Test the tension on those brand new elastic shoelaces by actually putting your feet into your shoes before the race. Don't: Go to the medical tent if your feet become stuck inside the elastic-equipped shoes - just remain calm and cool and pour boiling water on the shoes to stretch out the elastic laces and free your feet.
1) Do: Go to that same soft, grassy golf course and practicing dismounting from your bike while leaving the shoes attached to the pedals. Don't: Go into the clubhouse and complain about people shooting balls at you while you're trying to ride your bike, darn it.