Real freedom doesn’t come from being in control, but from not needing to control anything.

I wrote that a little more than a year ago when I had no idea how such a thing could possibly feel. Some random scrap of cosmic advice that woke me up at three in the morning to announce itself in the echoes of my consciousness, and then be gone.

I heard it again today like I did that night, unprovoked, as if it was time to reassess the question such a statement can't help but beg.

Am I free?

And when I asked myself this thing my stomach felt light and it tickled to breathe and I realized this is how it feels. This is happy. I can finally live my life and enjoy each day for what it is rather than rewriting what it has been, or in the constant pursuit of all the things I hope it will be. No more escaping where I am. Every run for the sake of running, every mile just because I can. Strong enough for whatever comes, and therefore all that has.

I don't know where I read it, but 300,000 days is the lump sum of our lives. I must have at least 130,000 gone, which means more than the better part of half remain. So have I done what I've come to do? Have I become what I was meant to be? I guess it's too early to tell.

I'm just ready to start living in today. In right now with no long term plans. I want to wake up and do my best, enjoy the view for once because I've learned the secret isn't in becoming, it's in being. So it looks like this is me now, and from this angle... I could be anything.

Song credit: "Almost Everything" by Uma Floresta