I think it’s context… I train and race for context. For a long time I didn’t have a simple answer for when anyone would ask me exasperatedly, "why do you do this?" I’d have some long-winded trying to figure it out while I’d ramble response – a bit about endurance and potential and more still about transcending boundaries and conquering demons. And these were all aspects, but not the reason, not really. I’d talk and talk and think that I’d answered, that I’d gotten it all figured out, but I hadn’t completely, not really. Now I don’t know what exactly this means, maybe I’m figuring it out after all because lately I've been learning that if I’m just still a while, it comes. Last night I tossed and turned for some reasons, and finally decided that the only one I needed was context.

For that which I don’t understand, for that with which I grow impatient and lament in life I find the template in training and racing. Context. And this is why it’s all consuming and so damn important. This is why it’s not just a hobby, and thus consistently leaks outside the confines of that definition during the months of April through November. This is why it has, and I’m not saying that it’s right… only that if you can understand, this is why it has.

You see I’ve learned to accept what I cannot change and I’ve learned to adapt, for the weather is the weather and a flat is a flat, and there’s nothing but wasted energy in whining. The bills are the bills and the boss is the boss, and I won’t change a thing by complaining. Instead I think of simple known things and find comfort in focusing… now, what's the best way to get myself home today…

I’ve learned to let the little things go because together they add up to be weighty, and with them I’d never be able to go the distance. I’ve learned in my quest to be superhuman that I am but human, and that this is better because I can finally accept who I am instead of constantly striving for some monolith accomplishment to define me. I used to before I had the audacity beaten out of me by miles and miles of sun-soaked road, and hours upon hours of learning to breathe in this new world. There are no choices after a time but forgiveness and humility. Lessons and consolations, sacrifices and strategies, they’re all interchangeable parallels.

So forgive me… I’m sorry, I never meant to let it be so consuming. It’s just that there between the tapes I find my answers, and in all of the struggles of preparing I find that I’m actually quite free. I’ve actually no real need to worry for there are so many out there so much less fortunate. And I’m lucky. I can appreciate the smallest favor of things now that there’s perspective and context and direction and meaning. And this is why it’s not so simply a hobby, but a journey.

You see?