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The Morning After

by Tracy Korn on April 23, 2005 in Through The Wall, Endurance Files

5:30 – I have to get up now. Should have gotten up an hour and a half ago. No more negotiating.

Stayed up too late with that little regrouping episode, dammit, Mind.

Shut-up, Body, just get up. Really, get up or you’re going to blow it for the day.

Me? If you hadn’t pulled that crap last night…ugh, this already sucks. You know what, this is ridiculous.

Both of you shut-up - where are my shoes? Oh, you have to be kidding me – is that snow!? Is that sideways-blowing snow during the last week of April? GuHHH.

Ah, OK. I see. So it’s like that, then. Fine. All right. Fine. I’m still going. Shut-up, I said we’re still going. Come on - damn already, I said come on!

"When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free…"

No one is awake. You’re the only crazy idiot out here, you know that right? Shut-up. Crap the wind is cold! 19 miles of this. Ohhhh my God. All right, just get used to it.

"I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it’s everybody’s sin
You got to lose to know how to win…"

Start out with 10-minute miles. In all this wind and ice, just finish and screw the time. Nothing hurts, this is OK. OMG, this wind…

"When I’m up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
I’m not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I’m not giving up, giving up, not backing down…"

Wow, that’s already four miles. OK, 15 more to go. Dang, shut-UP! I can’t believe everything out here is frozen – how ridiculous a thing is that? Frozen flowers and leaf buds…something’s just wrong with that! That’s not fair. Are they going to die now? I guess they’d grow back if they did. What if they were to freeze again and die – would they grow back again? How many times would they grow back? I guess as many times as they had the chance to grow back because they don’t know any better, they just do what they do. They’re just flowers and buds. 500 times? Would they grow back 500 times? Wait, they grow back every year. Huh – what a thing.

" Am I the son I think I am
Am I the friend I think I am
Am I the man I think I wanna be
Cause I'm here for my sanity sanity
I am here for you..."

That loop went fast. Hey, there’s no road-kill out here. What happened to all the road-kill? There were like, 40 corpses out here last weekend. Should I look at my watch? Oh, just look – look already. Crap, its cold, fingers don’t work. Heh, that’s kind of funny – why is that funny? Where’s my water, that’s not a normal thing to think of as funny. The drops are frozen to my sunglasses. Are you kidding me? Oh, that’s just wrong. But there’s no road-kill. What time is it? I think my face is frozen like this. Haaaahaaaaaaaaaa!!

"Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago…"

9:30 miles, slow down or it’s going to hurt, bad and soon.

"…it’s only pain, and it’s only suffering, and it’s not going to kill you. And if it’s not going to kill you, what’s the big deal?"

Fine, go on then.

"…raising the dead in me…
See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me…"

Thirteen miles, OK, check the watch – 2:06, wow! Wow! Even in this wind, with this acupuncture sideways sleet! YEAH! That’s right!

OK, climb down, Odysseus, before it all goes to hell on you. Good time, you’re speeding up, that’s weird, but OK. Nothing hurts, no cramps, wind still sucks, sleet still stings, fair trade I guess. Agh! Mud puddle! There, see with your big mouth. It’s not over yet.

"Extreme ways that helped me
Helped me out late at night
Extreme places I had gone
But never seen any light
Dirty basements, dirty noise
Dirty places coming through
Extreme worlds alone
Did you ever like it planned

I would stand in line for this
There's always room in life for this…"

I think I might be able to pull this off. Hey, those are my footprints. Ow, my face is frozen like this. This is an epic battle with Achilles' Ass, but I’m still running. Maybe I can pull this off. I’m better than last time. I’m better for last time. Nine-minute miles, no way. Cool. I’m not tired. I can pull this off. Three more miles.

"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted – one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?"

This should hurt by now. Body said it was going to hurt if I didn’t slow down. Maybe it hurts but it’s just frozen. It’ll hurt later. But that’s later. Oh, man this wind is wrong. This snow is wrong, this ice falling in my face is wrong. Shut-up. There’s no road-kill out here. Two more miles.

"I’m gonna fight ‘em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back..."

8:40 miles now!? What!?? Something is wrong with my watch. This doesn’t really hurt – it should hurt for 8:40 miles. This isn’t normal. There’s the end. I can’t believe I made it. I’m done…19 miles! Negative splits! HA!! This isn’t normal at all.

"I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what can I say
Well you just laughed it off it was all ok…"

NO WAY - my song! THIS song…this song now!? I get it. OK, it’s like that, then. Come on - damn already, I said come on!

20 miles.

3:17:57

Bring me this marathon.

Tracy Korn
Tracy is a language assistance program coordinator and English teacher at an alternative high school in the Midwest. Having completed Ironman Wisconsin in 2007, she plans to concentrate on training for half-iron distances and marathons for the immediate future. Contact information: tracy@throughth3wall.com.