I’ve spent a long time fighting and striving and breaking and rebuilding, and I’ve spent a long time in the face of something thinking it was the way to conquer that which would stand before me, in my way. But anymore, I don’t think it’s so much about guts. I don’t think it’s so much about bucking up and braving through. I think that’s a good start, but beyond the initial jump guts really just get in my way, often times confuse me, and before I know it I’m making mistakes.

Passion and emotion and drive and determination are fine, useful, in fact required sometimes – don’t get me wrong. But they’re quickly lit and made for short bursts, not for the long haul. They’re rocket fuel and if misused will only result in an eventual burnout. So, I’ve learned that what I need is self-control.

After the jump, I’ll find self-control and then I won’t have to panic. Instead I can plan to persevere. I can calm down and talk up patience, or visualize finish lines flanked with friends and family. Breathe in, breathe out, focus and decide not to incinerate. Not to lose my grip or come unhinged. To finish. To survive and surmount not only this, but all challenges in life.

It’s a strange recipe, and not one that might be obvious with the draw being so much adrenaline – indeed, it eluded me. I’ve burned up often trying to get away with it on guts, but now I see it’s not about going all out, it’s about going all in. About self-discipline and knowing the moment when I see it, and about putting pace before pride. So, I suppose like any good dish, the secret is in the mix… and I’m gonna get it right this time.