Only now and then do I truly need the alarm clock to ring at 4am. Naturally my body slowly awakens as the birds themselves are still asleep, only the hum of crickets fills the night air. The sun is nowhere near ready to rise, but I am.

Enjoying the silence of the early morning I sit out on the steps of the back deck and sip hot fresh coffee, as I gaze at the sky and feel hope and excitement for the day to come. Each day brings a new experience, and I am ready to feel it.

Each day the early morning training is different. Sometimes I gather with friends to swim in the lake, sometimes I meet my long run partner on the canal, sometimes I run alone. The landing of my feet over dirt is a comforting and familiar sound. The rhythm of swimming in the Lake enhances the tranquility I feel through life these days. Those early morning hours when my family remains asleep, are the ones I crave. A few days a week my husband arises to complete his training before the dawn; it is like we share that secret. The secret of the endorphin fix before anyone or anything can get in the way of it. That's our drug.

By the time my son creeps down the stairs I am home. As he sleeps in dreamland I've logged thousands of miles and he knows nothing about it. Someday he'll realize in horror about my early morning habits, and hopefully someday he will understand our work ethic, and somehow apply that to his own life. Whether it is in athletics, or academics, I hope he will learn the steps that lead towards success.

Ironman 2006 has called me, and I am beginning to prepare to answer the call. Many people are inquiring, why? Why am I heading back to Ironman? Well, I never swore Ironman off; I merely stated that Ironman is meant to be revisited now and again, for me. Will I do more? I don't know. Will I ever do 2 or more in a year? I don't know.

In my late twenties I locked myself into the box if what I should and should not do, set a batch of rules for myself to follow. I would not fly in an airplane, I would not do this, and I would not do that. Most of that was born out of my recovery from Bulimia, as I need to create a state of predictability and routine. It was a far cry from my artist days of where I went where the wind blew me. In those days I almost died... so setting up a structure to my life was the one way I knew to keep myself healthy.

11 years have passed; I am still in recovery as it is an evolving process and never a sure thing. Just like competing. As I have entered my thirties I feel a new level of maturity, of self awareness. I partly contribute that to age, and partly to parenthood. The walls I have constructed for myself are coming down; I am beginning to lead with my heart again. Whereas 5 years ago I was concerned with who was doing what, these days I am delving deep within to find those nooks and crannies within my own self. How can I challenge me, how can I evolve as a person? Evolving personally correlates directly with physical activity. A lot is to be learned on a solo 6 hour ride or run. A lot of seeing the world, and listening to one's own inner voice.

During 2005 I had to make a lot of changes to create a world around me full of love and harmony. The painful decision of separating myself from some people, and situations that I was not able to maintain positive synergy with, was very important. And like I said, it was very painful. I have a vision and I have a dream, and in order to allow those to grow, I have to surround myself with things that foster that growth, rather than hinder it. Again while that was painful in some instances, it was the right thing to do. I have arrived at a place in my life where I feel at peace spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

New connections with people have been formed, and are growing as the evolution of my life continues. With hope and freedom I look toward the future realizing I have a lot left to do, and left to see.

So it is with a light heart and a renewed spirit that I move forward, grateful for all that is my life, my family, my love.