You missed the classic "are you ready?" That one is my least favorite. I always want to say "no, so I figured I'd get 1/2 way through and just quit on principal."

. . . that race directors should not say:

1. "We are running a bit late because of the long lines at the porta potty. We'll start in just a few."
2. "The transition area is closed until all athletes are finished." (i.e., You can't get your bike and leave until everyone is finished.)
3. "There will be bananas and Gatorade at the post race tent." (Yeah, just what I want after eating the same for the past few hours.)

I brought my daughters to a sprint race a few years back. They were 2 1/2 and 5 at the time.
They were watching me get into my wetsuit in a crowd of triathletes.

After I zipped up, my oldest daughter Amber said(rather loudly)
''Daddy, you look fat in that!!" which got lots of laughs.

I quickly replied "you should have seen me 40 pounds ago, I would have looked like a buoy''

You have to respect the honesty of young children, then get the duct tape!! ;-)