Set goals...... but be here now. Enjoy the ride to the finish line.

It's okay to be self indulgent. Women are taught that our role in life is to serve others (as mothers, wives and general caregivers) but really - it's okay to serve yourself.

If all of this self indulgence really gets under your skin then maybe
one of your new goals should be to dedicate some time to others. It doesn't have to be a lot of time - just a little bit. For example, I am a CASA and give 2 1/2 weekend days a month to a kid in the foster care system. The training took a lot of time but it was all crammed into a couple of weeks and then it was done. There are lots of other things you can do if you really feel the need but before you do that I would encourage you to work on feeling okay about your athletic goals. This is a free country and you have a right to focus on you and your goals - without the guilt.

At the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. I'm 23 at uni, i don't drink that much and I'm in bed by 9pm usually. for me going out and partying does not make me happy, Getting up at 330AM to go for a ride does.

Like the others said you can volunteer, i raise money for various foundations by getting sponsors for each race i do. It makes it seem a little less self indulgent.

I do think you're on to something - tri training is fundamentally a self-centered activity. Nobody else is going to train for you, and very few people will be interested in training with you unless they share the same goals. Most people understandably do not want to live a life wholly centered on themselves.

However, you can raise the argument about "why should I spend/do X when people are in need" for almost every discretionary purchase or activity in your life. Have an apartment bigger than a studio? Own a car with 1 or 2 nice options? Take vacations? Buy non-generic cereal? Guess what, you spent money/time when you didn't have to, when you could have donated that money/time to someone more needy.

Obviously, the logical extreme of this leads to an outcome most of us would consider unattainable (even undesirable, depending on your worldview). And, as others pointed out, there are hobbies that cost a LOT more than triathlon.

My view is that everyone needs to strike a balance in what they choose to do for themselves and what they choose to do for others. And everbody's point of balance is different. Some people will be perfectly happy training round the clock and doing very little else. Others are Mother Theresa--dedicating literally their entire existence to the needs of others. It sounds like your preferred point of balance is currently at odds with your lifestyle, so I would suggest that you start taking small steps to re-orient the lifestyle until you reach that point of balance. No need to do anything drastic yet. Here are a few ideas:

You could try doing a fundraising drive for a charity tied to a challenging race. Look into something like the Janus Charity Challenge for Ironman races, where you raise money but you do not get many "freebies" (i.e., you pay for your own race entry fee, hotel, travel, gear, etc.) so more of the money you raise actually goes to charity.

OR: I know TNT gets a bad rap in some circles for the freebies I described above, but they actually do get people to the starting line of events that they might otherwise never try. If you have some race experience why not volunteer as a coach for them?

What about coaching kids?

Finally, realize that the world of tri runs on the efforts of volunteers. If you don't currently volunteer at races, consider giving that a try. Most races benefit various charities/community groups, so your time will, indirectly, be of value to them.

I think it's possible for some people to train, even at your current high level (20 hours a week is hardcore), while still striking a balance that works for them. I hope you find what suits you. Best of luck--and don't be afraid to drop a line here and let us know if you do make a change that works. Some of us can use ideas and inspiration from time to time.

If you feel guilty about being selfish, and want to know the other side of the story, pickup one of Ayn Rand's top selling books.

I never thought of spending money for something as selfish. Some might say that buying an expensive item is selfish, but the families of the people making that item available won't think so. There's a lot of middle class families with someone that works at GM who are happy everytime a rich guy trades in his 2 year old Corvette.

Maybe that wasn't the best example, but I do want you to know that I don't think spending time and money for something that you enjoy is bad. I hope you keep it up and don't feel guilty about it.

Haha, Hollywood, we sound the same. Only difference is I go to work instead of uni, and there's no way I can get up before 5am, 3.30's just insane!!

Donna - Volunteering or raising money for charities is an excellent way to help. I participated in something called the Oxfam Trailwalker last year, it's a 100km walk over 1 weekend, and myself and my team raised $5,500 for Oxfam and their programs. In the end I didn't get to do the event, I was the team support, but it felt amazing to be able to be a part of such an event, and to raise so much money for charity.

Be sure to look for races, fun runs & century rides that are fundraisers for local charities. That is definitely a decision-factor when I'm choosing a race or event. There's only 1 race each year where I ask for donations. The rest of the races, I just know that a portion of my entrance fee goes to charity. Maybe not a ton, but it's something.

I spend a lot of time training & racing, but also have found time to volunteer. You can do it. Just like training, you have to make it a priority for your schedule.

Those are real concerns, but I think there's real value to your setting goals and working toward them, living a healthy lifestyle, and showing that you can achieve your goals. You may be doing more good for the world than you realize.

Maybe you could find a younger person or a beginner and offer to be a multisport mentor. Also, you could make a compromise with yourself and cut your costs down, while contributing to a charity in another country.

However, I think it would be nice to have a program to get those less fortunate to take part in triathlons.

My girlfriend works at the YMCA and they have a really cool scholarship program to allow poor families to take part at the Y.

Maybe it's time to have a scholarship in the various cities to bring in people into the beauty of triathlon. The local clubs could mentor, provide grants/scholarships, training, and the local shops could provide heavily discounted or free products.

Hmmm...

Jeez Donna - if only more people had your kind of conscience.
I just watched a documentary about the super rich like Ralph Lauren spending untold fortunes acquiring and restoring luxury cars. People in Dubai and Kutar keep rebuilding constantly self-destructing islands shaped like the world or a palm tree in the middle of the ocean just for the hell of it. Your and my "indulgences" amount to an ant carrying off a crystal of sugar from a C&H plant.

What you're doing is self-gratifying but please, let go of the guilt when you're on that 2nd hour of your bike ride. Permit yourself the pleasure of that lactic burn.

Give your money and time to the poor when you can. The rest of the time, don't live in guilt.

Hmm. Well, I don't know if guilt is a bad thing. It can be very motivating-I feel it, I dont want to feel it so I will do something different. I totally agree with what Anton said- I can't really find solice in the fact that I pay $100 race entry fees and that 50 cents of that goes to the family living in the trailer down the street. The amount of consumption in this country in general is huge.
I love the idea about getting poor kids into the sport and had been thinking about it but man, where does one start? The bike is a huge first step. We have a program here in Boston called "Bikes Not Bombs" where you can donate your old bikes (I just gave over my mt bike). Maybe that's a start.
But the poverty in this country is nothing compared to that in others. I know I need to just get out and do something. I have heard really good things about the Heifer organization-I think that's what my family will be getting for Christmas-donations of goats to families in developing countries. I also heard about the program where bikes are donated to countries in Africa. A boy who is missing a leg just climbed Mt Kilimanjaro to raise money for this organization.
Anyway, I know this goes beyong tris alone but it's somthing that is tied to the sport for me because of the consumption and because it's such a big part of who I am.

PS I'm not in corparate finance (no offense to those of you who are) making tons of money- My day job: I work with veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Donna, that's what our families get from us every year. At first it was hard to get them to stop sending us gifts, but we finally convinced them that a Heifer gift is what we'd like most. And now we all exchange "animals" via Heifer for Christmas. My family has been involved with Heifer project for three decades (we used to raise goats for them even) and they are a wonderful organization.