Not quite triathlon, but it has "athlon" in the name... it almost kinda counts if you tilt your head to the left and squint, right? Well, anyway: the Men's Health Urbanathlon

It was a beautiful morning in NYC, clear skies, decent breeze, nearly full waning moon in the sky. I was set and ready, been training for this for 4 months, I was pumped and ready to go.

I line up towards the back of the pack because a 9 minute mile is a decent pace for me. With 1000 people trying to squeeze through the barricades and fences in Central Park, the first obstacle was just trying to get out! Heading west on 72nd Street, I hit mile 1 at exactly 9 minutes. Ok, I'm on track... then everyone stops. Some silly person thought a narrow set of slate stairs was a good idea on a running course. So 5 minutes later I go down the stairs and back running again. I'm at a good clip, passing people consistently every couple minutes without killing myself. Hit mile 2 at 18:xx, so I figure with the stairs I'm actually ahead of schedule. Go me!

First obstacle course: Jersey barriers and drain pipes. I was worried about scraping up my knees, but everything was plastic. Quick hop, crawl, hop, crawl and I'm through the first set. Next batch in 1.5-2 miles.

Second obstacle course: scaffolding maze and Marine hurdles. I come up the pier and find another crowd. I stand in line for 10 minutes waiting to GET TO the obstacle which is a short maze of I-beams. I'm talking to other people around me while waiting and one guy is bleeding from his knee (apparently missed the plastic tube and hit the concrete pretty hard) and another guy is bleeding from his ankle (the cheap timing chip strap had cut into him, glad I used my Road-ID instead). I get to the maze and I'm casually just walking across stuck behind a few people. I can run almost full speed on a train rail so this is nothing to me. Other people... not so much with the balance. Quick hop down at the end and sprint to the Marine hurdles. They're 5' high 2x4s which you have to get over and have both feet hit the ground between so there's no going from top to top. I bounce right over with no problem at all until the last one where I apparently land wrong and feel a fairly strong twinge in my right knee. I walk off the pier, grab some water and it feels ok so I keep going.

5 minutes later my leg is starting to buckle under me. The next 2 miles or so I mix up my light jogging with limping and hobbling. So much for 1:30 to 1:45 finish time.

I get to the next obstacle: Building 7 WTC. My knee is killing me, but I figure I can take the stairs nice and slow. 52 flights up later I'm half considering gnawing off my own leg. I tie a bandanna around my knee which helps and I figure out that keeping my right leg 90 degrees out I can go back down the building without a problem. Outside, they ran out of cups at the water station and had the volunteers on concrete pylons pouring water right from the jugs. Thats fine by me 'cuz I'm fairly dehydrated.

Out of that area there was still an overpass to go up to head to the end. I take it one step at a time and I'm in pain. At this point I should have dragged my gimpy self to a volunteer and gotten some medical help. Should have. "No!" I say to myself in idiotic delirium, "I'm right at the end! I will finish!"

Stupid stupid stupid stupid....

One and one quarter miles of agony later I hobble to the last obstacles: taxi hurdles and The Wall. The finish line (sorta) in sight, I grit my teeth and slide Dukes of Hazard style across the hood of a taxi. I was amazed it actually worked, and really well too! Next is the wall and I'm not intimidated in the least. My arms were in great shape so I zip right up the 8 or 9 foot wall and I can actually see the finish line 20' away! Then I realize I need to get down... Slowly and making sure I land on my left leg, which still felt pretty darn good considering, I drop down and hobble to a finish time of 2:12:07. Still ahead of a whole 17 people!

After 2 days of icing and knee braces and ibuprofen, I can walk up stairs very slowly again. Why must I learn the hard way? Because I'm stupid. Apparently agonizing pain is a better teacher than any kind of sense or logic.

Note to self: if you're in horrible pain, STOP!! GET MEDICAL ATTENTION BEFORE YOU CAUSE PERMANENT INJURY, MORON!!