thats one of the best race reports i have ever read.

Very interesting report.
I think most of us go through some level of the Ironman blues in the days or weeks following the event.
It was such a major and consuming focus in our lives to prepare for an Ironman and then it is achieved - what to fill that void?

Be proud of your accomplishment.

Interesting report!!! And congratulations by the way.

I know the felling of "playing safe" after a long race, the only thing that will take that away is.... another race. Now that you know you can do it let´s see how much better you can do it.

Be proud of your accomplishment, what you describe is maybe not just an effect of the IM at least doesn´t sound like it would. Ahhhh what would I know!

Nice report. A lot of people, if they're open & honest, would admit to very similar emotional states before during & after the race. Thanks for capturing it so well.

Posted earlier, but I missed the part about you going to IMCDA08. It sounds like we had very similar experiences. I did IMCDA in 06 and 07. From the outset I have wanted to qualify for Kona - in 06 I did 10:54 and was nowhere close - pleased with finishing, but feeling somewhat inadequate and wanting more. I went back again this year, 10:11 - missed it by two spots.

The two experiences were totally different - the first one was relatively pain free, and easy so to speak - the training was the hardest part. This year the training was more bearable (I could tolerate the volumes better and recover more quickly) but the race was not what I would call even keel. I suffered more than I ever thought I could and I swore I would take a year off. A week passed and I signed up for IMAZ08, about 72 horus than it took me to resign up for IMCDA07.

What's my point? My point is that you have to have a reason for doing IM, otherwise that feeling of emptiness will always be there. There are certain things I enjoy about IM, in a socially acceptable form of masochism I enjoy suffering, I love the people I have met and the life changes that have to be accepted and embraced to be succesful at the IM distance, and lastly, I want to go to Kona and race with the best. I don't know exactly what I find when I get there, if I will find anything at all, but I have already found a way of life and a group of friends that will forever be a part of my life, and that in and of itself has made the process worth it.

There is a reason you signed up for IMCDA08. Many people are one and done because they simply want to say they did an IM. That's fine and that was their goal. But I think there was something in the process of getting there that you are attracted to and that is where you should look to fulfillment, not necessarily the number on the board as you cross the line.

Wow - intense read. Congrats on your finish and good luck with IM CDA - both the training and the race. Make sure to write a race report next year too - I have to agree this is one of the best I've read.

I've been away from the 'net and am just getting to this now - this was a really thought provoking report, and I appreciate your honesty.

In my opinion, you hit it on the head in this passage:

"I played it safe, held back, and that haunts me. There was no blood left out there, no noteworthy fight. They had been spent already. There was no big risk and thus no true reward. I recently read a blog by Josh Cox, elite marathoner, and he wrote, 'attempting to fit in is a mistake…you take away your only unique strength, which is [being] you.' Next time is going to hurt. Bad."

I can't exactly relate, since I've never done an Ironman, but I did run a marathon, and it was the most satisfying athletic experience of my life - and I attribute much of that satisfaction to the fact that I'm 100% certain that I went as fast as I possibly could. I crossed the finish line and sobbed like a little girl - not because I was overcome with emotion, not because I was feeling the Spirit, but because the pain was overwhelming. I won't lie - hitting my goal added greatly to my satisfaction, since I usually don't hit my goals. As time passes though, my pace, time, rank, etc in that race matters less - and the memory of the intense pain, the determination to go as fast as I could no matter what - that moves to the forefront. I have no hunger to do another marathon because I got everything I wanted and more from this one marathon experience.

I'm in no way trying to brag or to lecture you - just suggesting that your hunch is correct, and if you're like me, you will have to take risks and suffer tremendously during your next IM to find that fulfillment you're hoping for.

I still think you raced smart, and ought to feel good about that. Thanks again for the report.

Great report! Thx for posting. I just finished my 1st IM in WI & loved reading your report. While I don't have that haunting feeling, I totally share the feelings you have about this-single-day-didnt-change-my-life like I thought it might. Many people had told me that IM day was just like a long training day, but I didn't fully realize what they meant until my race. That was totally true. The wild thing is....I still cry when I see other people finish IM. But I didn't cry for my own. It's mainly b/c I was too busy have a complete blast. Almost wish it had taken me the full 17 hours so I could've had more time to enjoy it :-)

BTW...it was also surreal reading your report b/c halfway through I realized I know someone in your report! LOL. John D, there with his girlfriend & parents that you mention. It's a small world.