Calm yourselves, excitin' as it is I'm back ya'll from my summer off. Oh yea, this summer def. was the most lazy of them all. I've never had a summer like this and now...I'm paying for it big time.

I've had the nights of where you get really goofy, the late night eatings, the lack of sleep, the bad things for your lungs...I rebelled. I was going through a...well, I was depressed of situations in my life and let myself go. Now, I'm not like this huge woman now but I'm now who I was. I am now not defined, I can't run more than 20 min., I just am hating myself now for what I've become. I look at Tri pictures of last summer, I missed it this summer big time. I had races marked off on my calander I carry around with me and always was like, "this weekend I should've been here" and I ended up that night drinkin' and partyin'. I looked at the pictures and realized how healthy I was and how I took care of myself. I look at me now I am in a bigger pant size then I was...mind you now it isn't a one digit-def. a two digit. For others I know that might be their size and I'm not saying being in a two digit is bad but for me and h ow I see myself, I should NOT be in a two digit number. I just look at those pics and know that that was me, it was who I was. This summer was an all in all party girl summer and to be honest, I'm done.

Solutions for myself. I purposly have taken AM shifts at my rec. center (i'm lifegaurding) so that I would not go out during the week and it has helped! It sucks gettin' up early but it keeps me in line on the goin' out part. I've quit doin' bad things to my lungs which in fact I really REALLY REALLY kick myself in my own ass for b/c I was to busy in bars and that is what happened. It has been 2 weeks w/ out one and I'm more than excited formyself b/c inside I know I mean business. My eating habits have changed-in some cases. No more fastfood..which doesn't bother me to the least and or pop/soda. Tryin' to see what I eat and not high in all the junk (yada yada). I'm workin' on it but when I get in a groove I'm stuck in it. I have been runnin' and or swimming for 20 min. when I can which is about 4-5 times a week and give weekends off. This for me is starting from stratch, a base is needed for me to get wind back for when I run and to go thru the pain when I swim. (my arms get so heavy and blah).

I'm back, I'm ready. Since last year my life is in a total 360. I have met someone in my life who appreciates me for me and it helping me get things back for myself. He knows I am sick of what I've become and is helping me with whatever I need to get back into it. I know too that I have ya'lls support even though I haven't been on this thing all freakin' summer. I would always want to get on here but then I knew what I have done to myself and I am dissapointed. I'm 23, I'm young, I NEVER had the opp. to just drink/eat and whatever w/ myself b/c of sports and this summer I did and yea, I had fun but now...look what I've become. Here it starts, '07 is my comeback and I'm goin' to give it all I have formsyelf to get back on how I was and I know I'll be on this more and hearing what ya'll have to say and what not.

Thanks for readin'. This should have been done a long time ago when I knew my downward sprial was starting but you have to learn at some point in your life-and I have.