I can't speak to the issue of using pharmaceutical antidepressants but I think the positive signs are that you are willing to reach out and discuss these issues for one, and second, you're still getting out and training.

The fact you can explain the reasons why you feel angry and depressed is a big plus. If you had these feelings and were confused as to why you felt that way, that's when things would get more complicated - the deeper repressed, subconscious issues are a lot more difficult to deal with than the ones that appear on the surface.

You're dealing with a lot of heavy issues that are still ongoing. You're not crazy for feeling what you're feeling. It seems to me that remaining aware of how you're feeling and processing these new developments in your life and relating them to a therapist, a spiritual leader, friends, other family members, or even our little triathlon community - anyone you feel comfortable and trust with intimate personal issues - is something you should keep doing.

Talk to someone who knows what antidepressants do - a psychiatrist who can evaluate whether you need them or not. Maybe you do - maybe you don't.

The only thing I can speak to is that when people very close to me turned my life upside down financially, emotionally, and otherwise - first were my parents who disowned me, then my fiancee who developed a substance abuse issue - I went through some difficult moments keeping up my will to get through the day. I tried therapy for a couple of sessions but ultimately, I found the words of Peter Reid to be the most resonating to life in general: "In the end, you run your own race."

I started triathlon shortly after that and while swim-bike-runs do not resolve personal drama, the changes I had to make to my body and mind in this sport made me stronger in the face of "drama" and I hope you continue on with a strong will to run your race.

Mav....i'm a licensed mental health counselor and i have some suggestions. first, its great that you know your body well enough to see what's happening. sometimes people who are depressed can't even see that they are depressed or angry, and that makes resolving issues much more difficult. you seem to know the cause of your emotional state as well, which may be beneficial for you.

for me, medication is the last resort. i'm not a doc, so i can't prescribe meds, but i work with clients to help them learn new coping and interpersonal skills to deal with their problem. if i see that there is little progress, or the depression has been there for a long time, then i would refer to a psychiatrist (although sometimes the family doc will prescribe anti-depressants). but medication should be used only temporarily, unless there is a true chemical imbalance in the brain. meds only help moderate your moods, they don't erase the underlying problem.

as the others said, "exercise" is a proven mood booster, because it elevates certain chemicals in the brain that help lessen depression. running personally got me through depression several years ago, and i still use it as my "therapist"! however, i would encourage you to find a professional counselor to help you resolve your personal issues so you can focus on the future, rather than the past.....

I was on Zoloft a while back and while it helped for a time I am no longer on it. Just be sure to stay on a regular schedule of taking it. If I was off even just by an hour I could physically feel the effects. Also, when you decide to get off of it, make sure that you do it gradually, I went cold turkey and I felt as though there were a million little pins on my skin for about a month and was always dizzy.

But it is a good thing that you realize that you might need extra help and it's good to catch it sooner rather than later. Meds will help you for a short time in most cases, but it's eventually something that you will have to come to peace with on your own. Good luck!