Wanted to share this just in case you have been out swimming, riding or cycling for the last century and missed it on the first go around.
90% of these hit way too close too home so now I send these to potential dates......no wonder I'm still single.
Here's a list of explanations of how English differs from "Triathlete-speak" in the wonderful world of relationships. I can't take credit for this one, but felt it was funny enough to pass along — I can't decide if it's amusing or distressing when particular paragraphs hit close to home.
"I am an outdoors type of person." Really means: I train in any type of weather. If it's raining, snowing, 90 degrees w/100 percent humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don't want to hear any complaints because I will still train in it and you're just a big wuss for complaining about it.
"I enjoy riding my bike." Really means: with or w/o aero bars, alone or in a peleton, I don't care. If you can't do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will let you draft, but if you can't hang and I drop you - I will see you later. I am a capable mechanic, but don't expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need to learn that on your own.
"I enjoy jogging." Really means: Let's run hills until we puke. I have just
as many shoes as you only mine are better because they are functional and all look the same.
"I enjoy dining out." Really means: I enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food. Don't be shy because with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree instead of a salad and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don't get your limbs too close though as I may take a bite out of you. Most importantly don't expect any taste off my plate unless you can bring something to the party like more food. Eventually though if your not burning 4,000 calories a day your going to plump up and have a terrible complex due to watching me eat deserts and not gain any weight. Friends and family will eventually decide not to dine with us anymore due to my horrid table manners. Oh, and don't ask me any questions during breakfast, Mid Morning Lunch, Lunch, Afternoon lunch,
dinner or Recovery Dinner as it does not lend to efficient food intake.
"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach." Really means: Walks on the beach warming up into an 8 mile run and then plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you're going to find out what mass start is and let me assure you that you don't want to find out.
"I find fulfillment in charitable work." Really means: If I am not racing, I
am volunteering and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90 degree weather for 8 hours handing out sports drink to cyclists going 20 mph. Just stick the ol' arm out there and hope it doesn't get taken off.
"I enjoy sharing quiet moments together." Really means: It's taper time.
Just back off because I am strategizing and in a pissy mood because I am
worried about my "A" race and can't workout.
"I am an active person." Really means: Aside from my 40 hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep a night. 10 hours a week are devoted to me during the off-season and 20 during race season leaving us 4 hours. 2 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to me, so let's make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed message therapist or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you.
"I enjoy road trips and leisurely drives." Really means: You have your
choice of Wisconsin, Idaho, Florida, California, Arizona, and Canada, but
don't expect to do much site seeing. If I get enough support from you we
might be able to include Hawaii in there.
"I enjoy site seeing." Really means: Lets grab a mountain bike and get our HR's up to 90%. There's plenty of time to look around on the descent as
trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.
"I like stimulating conversation." Really means: while we are running, we
can talk about food. Then we can talk about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start time versus the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how horribly out of shape we are, how many
miles we did last week, and how many we will do this week and next week. Then we can talk about food.
"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub." Really Means: I'm going to stop on the
way home and buy two bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.
"I'm interested in photography" Really Means: My camera is permanently
perched a tripod in front of my trainer. I obsess over taking photos of my
bike position and analyzing them to get the perfect setup.
"I'm into in technology" Really Means: My HRM and bike computer are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my mp3 player.
If anyone knows who wrote this originally, I'd love to cite them proper credit.
Awesome list. I REALLY need
Awesome list. I REALLY need to find a girl like that! I'm very jealous of all the triathlete couples out there
It's not uncommon for me to
It's not uncommon for me to leave the house at 3:30am for a local race and get back home around 11am and wake up the wife and she's like "Isn't it nice to sleep in on Sundays?"
Sully800 wrote:Awesome list.
[quote=Sully800]Awesome list. I REALLY need to find a girl like that! I'm very jealous of all the triathlete couples out there[/quote]
Well, I think we have a match here. I feel a "Singles" section in Trifuel coming on pretty soon.
Awesome list! Way too close
Awesome list! Way too close to home. Nice!
Oh and ChunkyB...love the new avitar!!
Sully800 wrote:Awesome list.
[quote=Sully800]Awesome list. I REALLY need to find a girl like that! I'm very jealous of all the triathlete couples out there[/quote]
Carefull of what you wish for. I tried it, once, and we fed each other's neuroses and became competitive, bitter, and it ended really quick. We ran a marathon together, start to finish. Same finish time. She Boston Qualified. I didn't. I always resented that. Now I only date non-athletes. They make good sherpas because they aren't racing.
iamtb13 wrote:Oh and
[quote=iamtb13]Oh and ChunkyB...love the new avitar!![/quote]
+1
I have seen that article
I have seen that article before and it is funny everytime I read it.
I am more of the committed endurance athlete in my house, but my wife will do 5ks and has done a sprint tri and she fully supports me so I can't ask for much more.
I think If you you can be comfotrtable with what you do and what they do things should work out. It is hard for people not to be selfish and self centered and allow a partner in their life in general. It is even more difficult when you are a triathlete.
That being said, I would rather be in pretty good shape and do some races and have a great relationship, than be in spectacular shape, compete in a lot of races and maybe even win some and have crappy relationships or none at all.
Medals, trophys, race t-shirts, and race schwag aren't so fun to cuddle up with in bed or have a conversation with either.
iamtb13 wrote:Awesome list!
[quote=iamtb13]Awesome list! Way too close to home. Nice!
Oh and ChunkyB...love the new avitar!![/quote]
I think the cape is awesome!!
Should we now call you 'Super' Chunky B, or perhaps 'Captain' Chunky B?
Thats more then awesome!!!
Thats more then awesome!!! Loved it....
deepbluex wrote:It's not
[quote=deepbluex]It's not uncommon for me to leave the house at 3:30am for a local race and get back home around 11am and wake up the wife and she's like "Isn't it nice to sleep in on Sundays?"[/quote]
I actually look forward to those days. There is nothing better than getting up at 4, going out for a race, watching the sun come up, having a little chow and a quick shower, then getting back into bed. I once had her turn to me a few hours later and ask "But baby, I thought you had a race this morning..." Hehe, makes me feel like a ninja!
I dated a guy and asked him
I dated a guy and asked him to volunteer for the 2nd aid station on the bike leg to a 1/2 iron. He left an hour into it :(
I've also dropped a guy on a bike, I'm a GIRL, this is a big NO-NO in my book.
I've dated a triathlete and the average joe, nothing seems to work. The triathlete was pompous and got on my nerves so much I wanted to push him off to the trail we were running on to his bloody death. The average Joe was too lazy to run to the store to get ice for my bath. The average Joe also had issues with how much food I ate, basically I could eat the whole cheesecake and he couldn't..jealousy is such an unattractive feature. Speaking of which, average Joe also couldn't deal with how much time I spent training. I guess I rode Cadence (my bike) more then him. Although making out with a salty sweaty triathlete is oh so hot.....until you realize you're sweaty in the wrong places.
Dating just isn't in my cards, my OCD and ADD kicks in during the date. I can't just sit and enjoy a dinner and a movie, I need to be cooking the dinner and rolling my legs out and reviewing training data during the movies. My line and I'm sticking to it, "I don't date I train" "Training comes first and you will always come second."
These phases confine me to a life time of solitude, thankfully I <3 myself very much so.
funny!
funny!
iamtb13 wrote:Awesome list!
[quote=iamtb13]Awesome list! Way too close to home. Nice!
Oh and ChunkyB...love the new avitar!![/quote]
If there's a best avatar award, ChunkyB gets my vote.
KitKat wrote:I dated a guy
[quote=KitKat]I dated a guy and asked him to volunteer for the 2nd aid station on the bike leg to a 1/2 iron. He left an hour into it :(
I've also dropped a guy on a bike, I'm a GIRL, this is a big NO-NO in my book.
I've dated a triathlete and the average joe, nothing seems to work. The triathlete was pompous and got on my nerves so much I wanted to push him off to the trail we were running on to his bloody death. The average Joe was too lazy to run to the store to get ice for my bath. The average Joe also had issues with how much food I ate, basically I could eat the whole cheesecake and he couldn't..jealousy is such an unattractive feature. Speaking of which, average Joe also couldn't deal with how much time I spent training. I guess I rode Cadence (my bike) more then him. Although making out with a salty sweaty triathlete is oh so hot.....until you realize you're sweaty in the wrong places.
Dating just isn't in my cards, my OCD and ADD kicks in during the date. I can't just sit and enjoy a dinner and a movie, I need to be cooking the dinner and rolling my legs out and reviewing training data during the movies. My line and I'm sticking to it, "I don't date I train" "Training comes first and you will always come second."
These phases confine me to a life time of solitude, thankfully I <3 myself very much so.
[/quote]
Isn't the guy that invented Match.com a Dr or something? I think he should be able to figure out how to pair up a dedicated triathlete. Obviously someone putting 20 hours per week is not compatible with another triathlete training 20 hours per week. I'm training 10 hours per week, and if my wife was out there as much as me, things would be bad. Right now she's around 0 hours per week, and that's not good either, but it's better than 10+.
We can go a few days without doing dishes, laundry, feeding the cats, etc... but someone has to watch our 4 year old every day. That's where the spouse comes in.
Knowing a friend that trains just as much as me is a much better idea. Not only can we train together, but I can say things to my wife, like "Can you believe Paul's wife let him buy $2,000 race wheels? That is so awsome!"
KitKat wrote:I dated a guy
[quote=KitKat]I dated a guy and asked him to volunteer for the 2nd aid station on the bike leg to a 1/2 iron. He left an hour into it :(
I've also dropped a guy on a bike, I'm a GIRL, this is a big NO-NO in my book.
I've dated a triathlete and the average joe, nothing seems to work. The triathlete was pompous and got on my nerves so much I wanted to push him off to the trail we were running on to his bloody death. The average Joe was too lazy to run to the store to get ice for my bath. The average Joe also had issues with how much food I ate, basically I could eat the whole cheesecake and he couldn't..jealousy is such an unattractive feature. Speaking of which, average Joe also couldn't deal with how much time I spent training. I guess I rode Cadence (my bike) more then him. Although making out with a salty sweaty triathlete is oh so hot.....until you realize you're sweaty in the wrong places.
Dating just isn't in my cards, my OCD and ADD kicks in during the date. I can't just sit and enjoy a dinner and a movie, I need to be cooking the dinner and rolling my legs out and reviewing training data during the movies. My line and I'm sticking to it, "I don't date I train" "Training comes first and you will always come second."
These phases confine me to a life time of solitude, thankfully I <3 myself very much so.
[/quote]
I think you need to date an average Joe Triathlete who is secure with getting beaten by a woman, and you need to be comfortable beating a guy.
Don't compromise yourself.
deepbluex wrote:It's not
[quote=deepbluex]It's not uncommon for me to leave the house at 3:30am for a local race and get back home around 11am and wake up the wife and she's like "Isn't it nice to sleep in on Sundays?"[/quote]
You've just described my weekend mornings... just consider getting out at 6 when training.
K.
TryScott wrote:iamtb13
[quote=TryScott][quote=iamtb13]Awesome list! Way too close to home. Nice!
Oh and ChunkyB...love the new avitar!![/quote]
If there's a best avatar award, ChunkyB gets my vote.[/quote]
+1 :)
And the list is hilarious! Love it!
While all of this is great,
While all of this is great, How about a blown up version of your avatar KitKat. LOL. Maybe you will get lucky and find Average Joe Triathlete in the Trifuel forums.
ChunkyB, you are the man. I
ChunkyB, you are the man. I LMAO when I saw the new Avatar. +3 on that one.
KitKat wrote:I dated a guy
[quote=KitKat]I dated a guy and asked him to volunteer for the 2nd aid station on the bike leg to a 1/2 iron. He left an hour into it :(
I've also dropped a guy on a bike, I'm a GIRL, this is a big NO-NO in my book.
I've dated a triathlete and the average joe, nothing seems to work. The triathlete was pompous and got on my nerves so much I wanted to push him off to the trail we were running on to his bloody death. The average Joe was too lazy to run to the store to get ice for my bath. The average Joe also had issues with how much food I ate, basically I could eat the whole cheesecake and he couldn't..jealousy is such an unattractive feature. Speaking of which, average Joe also couldn't deal with how much time I spent training. I guess I rode Cadence (my bike) more then him. Although making out with a salty sweaty triathlete is oh so hot.....until you realize you're sweaty in the wrong places.
Dating just isn't in my cards, my OCD and ADD kicks in during the date. I can't just sit and enjoy a dinner and a movie, I need to be cooking the dinner and rolling my legs out and reviewing training data during the movies. My line and I'm sticking to it, "I don't date I train" "Training comes first and you will always come second."
These phases confine me to a life time of solitude, thankfully I <3 myself very much so.
[/quote]
I eat my soup with a fork......because I like a challenge!
You, my lady, sound like a challenge!
Hang in there and don't give up on having someone (besides cadence) just yet. You will find a less primadona self absorbed match that will push you (and your buttons, in a good way) if you keep your options and mind open.
Someone, someday, somewhere......
By the way, you have a really good blog. I enjoy reading about your pursuits. Keep it up.
JB
NotAsFast wrote:While all of
[quote=NotAsFast]While all of this is great, How about a blown up version of your avatar KitKat. LOL. Maybe you will get lucky and find Average Joe Triathlete in the Trifuel forums.[/quote]
Hehe, there is a larger picture out here....not too hard to find.
Anywho, I guess my post was misleading. I'm not looking to date, I really have no desire. I was sharing a joke that hit far too close to home and I'm sure many of us could relate to. Training & fund raising are top on my list priority, everything else just falls at hand. Don't get me wrong, I go through lonely stages as does everyone but by reviewing my blogs/training docs I realize they only occur in my taper or OT phases, so their not REAL emotions, just my brain on the fritz.
J.Michael wrote: By the way,
[quote=J.Michael]
By the way, you have a really good blog. I enjoy reading about your pursuits. Keep it up.
JB[/quote]
Thanks!! Glad someone enjoys my endless ramble. :)
I think that is a funny
I think that is a funny list. But I'm the luckiest girl in the world and when I gave up on meeting a guy that would work for me and my lifestyle I met the perfect one (cue: awwwww). He's a VERY good triathlete, but doesn't have the ego of some others out there. He's just as proud of my personal bests as his Kona slot times. So they do exist... but you can't have mine! My bike mechanic introduced me to him, and I'm gonna keep him!
Dating is tough when you are
Dating is tough when you are addicted to working out either weight lifting or triathlons. In my case both; I just broke off with my finace', I lost interest because she wasn't active. This is the second girl in a row that said before she left "ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOUR MUSCLES!". Man that hurts...
I guess she is now being replace by my new Cervelo P2 SL Dura-Ace. Can't wait for her to show up...
-M
Sorry I missed my cue
Sorry I missed my cue 'AWWWWWW'
That is awesome.
kylie wrote:I think that is
[quote=kylie]I think that is a funny list. But I'm the luckiest girl in the world and when I gave up on meeting a guy that would work for me and my lifestyle I met the perfect one (cue: awwwww). He's a VERY good triathlete, but doesn't have the ego of some others out there. He's just as proud of my personal bests as his Kona slot times. So they do exist... but you can't have mine! My bike mechanic introduced me to him, and I'm gonna keep him![/quote]
That is a very cool story, you are a very lucky lady. Wish you two a life time of happiness!
Kylie is the one I'm jealous
Kylie is the one I'm jealous of the most by the way. Every time she posts that picture of her garage with 8 matching bikes in it, I know what I truly want in life :-P
KitKat wrote: I think you
[quote=KitKat]
I think you need to date an average Joe Triathlete who is secure with getting beaten by a woman, and you need to be comfortable beating a guy.
Don't compromise yourself.
[/quote]
I would just like to say that I consider myself an average joe triathlete and if I found a girl who could whup me on a race, I'd never give her up, that's pretty damn hot right there!
I miss MegaMan. I wonder if
I miss MegaMan. I wonder if you could get MegaMan's running body, with a cape, and ChunkyB's face?
beads1985 wrote: I think you
[quote=beads1985]
I think you need to date an average Joe Triathlete who is secure with getting beaten by a woman, and you need to be comfortable beating a guy.
Don't compromise yourself.
[/quote]
If that's all you need, then I'm set. I've been beaten by my mom at multiple races, and I'm still as secure as ever.
Shooot... I totally got
Shooot... I totally got dumped by my tri girl. She was new to the sport and took off like a rocket. She's leading her age groups and will probly become a pro w/in the next year. Engagements... who needs that when there are mountains to bike up?! If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was her writing Kitkat's comments.
+on the actual chill time together.
Chunky B - way to rock the
Chunky B - way to rock the cape. I wish I looked that good.
man I got lucky I started
man I got lucky I started doing tri's just before starting dating Mrs. H (a smoker at the time) she's been very patient with my training but there are times she has completely had it with my biking and running - how many times a year do you all with non-triathlete spouses/Sig. other get the "you are complete selfish SOB" speech?
ChunkyB wrote:beads1985
[quote=ChunkyB][quote=beads1985]
I think you need to date an average Joe Triathlete who is secure with getting beaten by a woman, and you need to be comfortable beating a guy.
Don't compromise yourself.
[/quote]
If that's all you need, then I'm set. I've been beaten by my mom at multiple races, and I'm still as secure as ever. [/quote]
So are ya saying your mom is looking? ;-)
beads1985 wrote:ChunkyB
[quote=beads1985][quote=ChunkyB][quote=beads1985]
I think you need to date an average Joe Triathlete who is secure with getting beaten by a woman, and you need to be comfortable beating a guy.
Don't compromise yourself.
[/quote]
If that's all you need, then I'm set. I've been beaten by my mom at multiple races, and I'm still as secure as ever. [/quote]
So are ya saying your mom is looking? ;-)
[/quote]
Hey, back off ;)
Joe_H wrote:how many times a
[quote=Joe_H]how many times a year do you all with non-triathlete spouses/Sig. other get the "you are complete selfish SOB" speech?[/quote]
I get it about once every 2-3 months. I adjust my training for a about 2-3 days until she gets sick of me being home all day after work and begs me to go out and work out.
In really my wife has been great at dealing with everything related to being married to a triathlete. She always tells me that she did not sign up for this (we were married for about 6 months before I did my first triathlon). I am with trisooner about not dating or being married to another triathlete. I would not want to give up the raceday chauffer, sherpa, and photographer.
Sherpa.... that's great.
Sherpa.... that's great.
My fiance wants to be my
My fiance wants to be my race day chauffer, sherpa, and photographer so I'm set ;-)
Sully800 wrote:Kylie is the
[quote=Sully800]Kylie is the one I'm jealous of the most by the way. Every time she posts that picture of her garage with 8 matching bikes in it, I know what I truly want in life :-P[/quote]
Garage?? Shame on you... that's the entry way to our house! And in our new place they will get their own room! Only 6 of 'em right now though... stop tempting me!
Iron Dan wrote:I would not
[quote=Iron Dan]I would not want to give up the raceday chauffer, sherpa, and photographer.[/quote]
Taking turns being the support crew (or taking care of each other if both racing) is even better in my opinion.
kylie wrote:Iron Dan wrote:I
[quote=kylie][quote=Iron Dan]I would not want to give up the raceday chauffer, sherpa, and photographer.[/quote]
Taking turns being the support crew (or taking care of each other if both racing) is even better in my opinion. [/quote]
It is easy to be selfish and take care of yourself.
It is much more satisfying to take care of someone else.
My wife voluteered at the Chessieman for the whole day for me. I was her biggest fan when she did the Danskin tri.
I was there when she finished and I felt more emotional then whenever I finish an event.
I love that list- I know my
I love that list- I know my husband can relate...and I think my friends can too, for a lot of them...when I 1st started training and racing (about 10 yrs into our marriage)I think my husband thought I was cheating (losing weight, going out in the middle of the night to run, well, I thought it was early morning, buying new clothes- the previous ones didn't fit), but eventually, he saw the race results and the hardware ;) and he realized I just found another obsession- bless his heart, he accepts all the crap, with minimal resistance
kylie wrote:Iron Dan wrote:I
[quote=kylie][quote=Iron Dan]I would not want to give up the raceday chauffer, sherpa, and photographer.[/quote]
Taking turns being the support crew (or taking care of each other if both racing) is even better in my opinion. [/quote]
+1 to that!
That list hits it on the
That list hits it on the head!
I'm always keep an eye open for that special someone, he just hasn't come along yet. Anyone know Mr. Special? I don't think dating a non-athlete would work out because schedules would be so hectic and I'd feel bad if it was hectic just because of me. In the mean time I'll just keep sleeping with my bike (in my room on the trainer next to the bed ;)
kylie wrote:So they do
[quote=kylie]So they do exist... but you can't have mine! My bike mechanic introduced me to him, and I'm gonna keep him![/quote]
I'd keep a good bike mechanic also, but relax, we don't want yours. There's enough wrench turners for everyone. :)
We're all jealous of Kylie
We're all jealous of Kylie :-)
I cuddle with my trophies and I replaced a boy with an Orbea Ora a few months ago.
I can't stand lazy people - I've never dated another triathlete, but a prerequisite to date me is commitment to 3 hours of exercise/week. I think I can handle being faster than a guy (But can they stand me being faster than them? I had a guy seem to pursue me until I walloped him... wimp, I'm not all that fast), but they'd better be stronger than me physically (gotta have someone around who can get jars of pasta sauce open). Through all my iciness and total control-freak personality, I want someone who is stronger than me and gives me confidence that they can take care of me competently so I can let my hair down. I'd love to be able to completely relax on occasion without having to worry about the house exploding or them creating more work for me than the break was worth. I certainly don't want anyone that I have to mother more than date because they can't take care of themselves much less me (definitely a widespread problem at my age).
I guess I'm still young and idealistic and haven't really dated much because I'm too busy and so far no one seems to be worth more than my limited training/eating/sleeping/school/orchestra/work time. Ok, I'll admit it goes the other way too - very few guys have ever actually seemed interested, but its usually mutual. And to think that I used to be sure I'd me married and with a kid by 25.... fat chance now...
Met my girlfriend at the
Met my girlfriend at the local tri club, found out later that we had previously met at a tri. Exercise together and it couldn't be better.
From personal experience, I don't have any problem with her kicking my ass in the pool every time. Even if she takes a couple months off, she's like a fish in the water. But swimming at a university level will give you that edge!
You're the kind of girl I've
You're the kind of girl I've been looking for. Wanna hang out some time?
emzman wrote:You're the kind
[quote=emzman]You're the kind of girl I've been looking for. Wanna hang out some time?[/quote]
Emzman... I think you'll have to submit your resting HR, max watts, and PR at three distances along with color glossy photos of your bike. If you're application is accepted you get to take the written test.
Ha Ha! And don't forget: " Coffee's for closers only."
Leroy Bonkers wrote:emzman
[quote=Leroy Bonkers][quote=emzman]You're the kind of girl I've been looking for. Wanna hang out some time?[/quote]
Emzman... I think you'll have to submit your resting HR, max watts, and PR at three distances along with color glossy photos of your bike. If you're application is accepted you get to take the written test.
Ha Ha! And don't forget: " Coffee's for closers only." [/quote]
That was priceless!
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