Do your significant others understand/support your obsession with triathlon and training? I just started this crazy and exciting lifestyle last year, and he's just now beginning to "accept" it, meaning he doesn't make me feel like I'm a complete nutcase. Of course, he does get the benifits that go along with an "athlete" as a wife...more energy, slimmer body etc...and he does his part so that I can train and race(stays with the kids). But when I tell him that I am planning on training for a longer distance race, he just rolls his eyes, and just doesn't "get" it.
Any thoughts, ideas?
My hubby is pretty
My hubby is pretty supportive on the training end up things. Not so sure he understands the need for expensive gear though. Although I let him ride my road bike to work, so I think he might be coming around. We were supposed to be doing this next triathlon together..my third and his first. But now he has a foot injury, so it looks like it will just be me. I'm bummed, I was looking forward to kicking up some dust for him to eat! :)
My fiancee is supportive,
My fiancee is supportive, and I have tried getting her involved. She has done 1 super-sprint and is going to do 2 more tris this season hopefully. She doesn't fully understand my dedication to training as she is much more casual with it and only does short-distance events. I just make sure to consider her when putting together my schedule.....obviously make sure racing weekends are available, keep her informed of my long-term goals so when I start adding distance and doing 70.3s and IMs she is not caught off guard, and in our case I make sure to include a few evenings off (where I workout only in the morning) so I can spend the entire night with her. Even though we differ greatly in our speeds, I'll also work out with her occaisonally so that even though I'm getting some light training in, we can still hang out.
As far as the money is concerned, she knows I am very watchful of our finances and would not spend irresponsibly, but I discuss any plans for major purchases with her beforehand. Otherwise there isn't much resistance there.
Communication is the key, and I got lucky that I think she understands mostly why I do it...and it's nice to have a race-day photographer.
My wife is really supportive
My wife is really supportive of me, but one of the main reasons I got into triathlon is to lose weight, and she wants me to be more healthy (she doesn't want me to be skinny, but she also doesn't want me to die of a heart attack when I'm 40). She is even really supportive of the things I need to buy, mostly because I try to get by without buying too much stuff. She is always happy for me when I train, especially when I have a really good session like yesterday.
I think the key is that she understands why I want to do triathlon.
my wife has learned to
my wife has learned to tolerate the tri addiction and the risks simply because it doesn't seem to be going away-- I think I waited until 2 months out before I told her I was doing an IM, that was a scary day, harder than the IM!
I also make an effort to ensure that training/races will have a minimum impact and create as little stress on the family as possible. She does appreciate the healthy me and the added energy, but, no, I still don't think she gets it-- she has significantly increased the life insurance tho :)
I think my husband is the
I think my husband is the only one who hasn't told me I was crazy. Because that's the common response when I tell people I actually enjoy triathlons (and that's only at the sprint distance). They're really going to think I've gone over the edge when I tell them I want to do a half-iron man next year. :)
My wife doesn't complain
My wife doesn't complain much about the time I put into training, or the money I spend on it. At least she doesn't complain as much as she did about me playing online computer games when I was doing that. The most frustration I see from her is when she thinks I'm annoyed by changing my training plans. I'm not actually annoyed, I just need to know when my free time is so I can plan training accordingly. 90 min of running is 90 min of running if I have to do it at 6am or 6pm, it doesn't bother me, but she thinks it does.
She said something the other day about it, and I joked that this was all temporary. As soon as I accomplish the things on my bucket list that require me to be athletic (qualify for Boston Marathon and finish an ironman) I'm going to become lazy, drink heavily, eat poorly. play computer games, and watch TV a lot. She didn't think it was very funny.
Not married, but it takes
Not married, but it takes awhile to 'train' a girlfriend to understand her sherpa role (mabye that's why I'm not married). It is usually a steep learning curve for a 30-something woman who doesn't workout at all to suddenly find herself dating someone who stays home on the weekends just to go to bed early; is more likely to get up at 4:30am than to go to bed at 4:30am; and shaves more (and more often) than she does. I have dated other triathletes and marathoners and it is always disasterous. Both people end up feeding each other's neuroses and become competitive with each other. Not healthy. Don't try to convert the other person into your own triathlete image. You need your own "thing".
Well... it's kind of a
Well... it's kind of a family commitment, especially on the longer distances. You might need to do some bartering.
My S.O. (triwidow) doesn't
My S.O. (triwidow) doesn't fully understand the obsession but is as supportive as one can be. She knows if I didn't get my training in, I get grumpy. Now she pushes me to get it done early on weekends etc so we can do other things. Luckily she is a fitness freak so we try to time our separate workouts together (another oxymoron for you). She even posted here about the obsession: http://www.trifuel.com/forum/13351/for-all-those-triathlete-widows-out-t...
Hmm, my hubby is about the
Hmm, my hubby is about the same, doesn't understand my obsession with always doing sport and these triathlons - however he is appreciating the "bodyshape changes" :) Triathlon actually leaves me spending more time with him over winter compared to squash (my last serious sport) so it was definitely better in that regard over Dec-Feb. I thought he was going to completely forgo showing any interest at all but he did come out and watch my Cultus Lke race and I think he liked that I actually was happy and enjoying it. If I have a big training week coming up I let him know and he'll usually roll his eyes but then when I have a recovery week I try and think of something for us to do - this year I've spent one recovery week in Quebec City, the one before that we spent a few days up in Kelowna just chilling out at a lakeside resort, or I'll try and make sure we do "normal stuff" like have friends around for dinner, go hiking that week or something...
+1 for hubby also knowing I need my exercise to avoid grumpiness...
tsilcyc wrote:Well... it's
[quote=tsilcyc]Well... it's kind of a family commitment, especially on the longer distances. You might need to do some bartering.[/quote]
ya, bartering comes in very handy with the new body I've acquired :)
and it's sad, but even my kids know that when mommy didn't work out in the morning, avoid her at all costs
my wife doesn't get it
my wife doesn't get it either. She is supportive to a degree, but rolls her eyes a lot when I tell her that I have to go to sleep early because I'm going to get up early to do typical long bikes/runs/bricks. She sometimes tells me it's unhealthy or obsessive (maybe), but I think it beats many other obsessions that I could or other people have..
Sometimes I'd like her to be a bit more participative (sometimes she'll join me on a transition run, which is nice) but I've resigned myself to the fact that many times I will compete without her cheering me on at the race although I know she's thinking of me. She does love to tell/impress her friends about my crazy training schedule, sometimes looking for them to roll their eyes. Occasionally I overhear her tell her friends/family that she's proud of me :)
The bottom line - I do it for me. I do it to relieve the daily stress of work and life. I race to give training purpose.
TriSooner wrote:Not married,
[quote=TriSooner]Not married, but it takes awhile to 'train' a girlfriend to understand her sherpa role (mabye that's why I'm not married). It is usually a steep learning curve for a 30-something woman who doesn't workout at all to suddenly find herself dating someone who stays home on the weekends just to go to bed early; is more likely to get up at 4:30am than to go to bed at 4:30am; and shaves more (and more often) than she does. I have dated other triathletes and marathoners and it is always disasterous. Both people end up feeding each other's neuroses and become competitive with each other. Not healthy. Don't try to convert the other person into your own triathlete image. You need your own "thing".[/quote]
Wow... well we started this together... she's a super age-grouper and I'm strong but she's ranking way higher than me. Yes, things don't get done around the house and we've taken to competition. There is a couple in our group that trains together but doesn't do the same races so they each can have someone support them when they are peaking for a race and on race day. I think that's the best way to have a 2-person tri family. Personally, I wouldn't want it any other way! Who better to understand you pain, suffering and sense of jubilation and accomplishment when you finish. Plus, down the road you'll have that person to look back with on all you've done together. Am I getting lame here?
We both do tris. I was
We both do tris. I was first and then he joined in by jumping in and signing up for an IM before ever doing a tri (IMC). He did end up doing a HIM in the year between signing up and IMC. He likes doing the HIM better because it takes a bit less time commitment. Its cool to have a built in training partner. We do all our long runs and long rides together, and even some of our mid week rides,(running he does at lunch at work) I meet up with him on his commute home. We also do marathons together and so we can train together year round. It works out great, and there is no guilty feelings about not spending time together. I will be doing IMCDA next year with out him but he plans to train with me through most of it.
Perfect if you ask me. The only down side is race fees for 2 but thats what money is for.
she mostly understands and I
she mostly understands and I try not to be a complete selfish bastard but there are a couple times a year where she reminds me that I am being a selfish SOB. then it's time to talk and see what the problem is am I not spending enough time w/ her and the kids? how can adjust my training to keep them happy? she understand my obsession and why I need to do this but neither of us wants tri training to be the most important thing in my life. it's a tough balance and requires constant communication and still have the occassional blow out
brittda, Hell yeah, I
brittda,
Hell yeah, I totally agree. Built in training partner. She kicks my butt in the water, and (though it's been getting harder) I can still make her push to keep up w/ me on the bike and run. I'm on sabatacle in MN whistle I finish grad school so for the next year she's in Vegas training. We'll have our next clash of the titans at IMC. It's gonna be like Scott and Allen in 89'.
Not to be the bummer of the
Not to be the bummer of the group but my lifestyle has claimed one major relationship. 4 years ago I was 45 lbs heavier and smoking 2 packs a day. While spending the summer working in Ireland I woke up one day (mentally as well as literally), strapped on some sneakers and started running. The girl I was dating at the time lived a similar lifestyle. Within 6 months I had dropped 20 lbs and cut back to half a pack a day. Time went by and everyday I'd go out and run while she'd sit on the couch. By last summer I was trim, running 6-10 miles a day and training for my first marathon. She was supportive but, unfortunately, my increasingly health conscious mindset was taking a toll. She started gaining weight because she would carb load with me and then not run. As I started becoming really happy to show off my new (I was nnneeever an athlete) physique, she hid more and more. Finally, after 3 marathons I decided to dip into tri late last fall and the straw just broke the camel's back. We grew too far apart, had less to talk about and our friends didn't really get along (Oh man, I got soooo trashed last night! I think I had like, 45 beers! vs. oh man, I got sooo trashed last night! I did a 4 hour brick!)
But on the positive side, one of the biggest reasons I tell people I'm a runner and getting into tri's is because of the people I meet. For the most part, Triathletes are the most determined, devoted, friendly and intense people I've ever met. While I regret that an amazing relationship was lost, I think the change was definitely for the best.
my wife is supportive as
my wife is supportive as we're both figuring out what type of commitment it takes to be a "non-competitive, do it for yourself, no delusions of podium type triathlete. i am careful to ensure that she can do what she needs to do as well. my training team unfortunately was tues/thurs night and SAT early AM so we've had to work around that for 8 months.
remember, if your wife is happy, the family is happy.
jhudalla wrote:brittda, Hell
[quote=jhudalla]brittda,
Hell yeah, I totally agree. Built in training partner. She kicks my butt in the water, and (though it's been getting harder) I can still make her push to keep up w/ me on the bike and run. I'm on sabatacle in MN whistle I finish grad school so for the next year she's in Vegas training. We'll have our next clash of the titans at IMC. It's gonna be like Scott and Allen in 89'.
[/quote]
Well we did a lot of IMC together last year. He caught up to me on the bike (he is a much better cyclist) and we rode together for about 60 miles until he got a flat. Saw him coming into T2 as I was leaving so I hung out and waited (to the tune of a 15 min T2, but I did not care) and then we ran the first 8 miles or so of the run until he told me to leave him--he was having tummy problems and I think I was irritating him because I felt good. We ended up finishing about 20 min appart but I got to see him finish his first IM which was great! He is getting much stronger now with his run, so I am going to have some copetition on my hands soon. We are both doing Pacific Crest HIM in a couple of weeks, should be fun!
My wife started this whole
My wife started this whole thing because she was a swimmer in high school and wanted to start doing tri's with some of her friends. It does take its toll because we have young kids and are trying to fit two training schedules in around work, family, and other responsibilities. Generally that means someone runs or bikes in the basement while the kids are going to sleep upstairs. It is a fun thing that we share and it was nice when our two older kids wanted to do a kids' tri.
The time commitment and stress that came with the HIM I just finished was a little much though. We will probably dial it back and just enjoy occationally doing the short ones around here.
my dude has turned the
my dude has turned the corner - enough to be my pit crew and wheelman to any race i want. i've learned not to plague him with the details of the workout or the schedule or the diet, and he doesn't discuss the latest baseball trades with me. when he questioned the cost of the bike, i parked it next to his 50-inch plasma tv and called it even.
My fiance gets that I do
My fiance gets that I do this for myself and supports me every chance she gets. I even inspired her to start running and biking, so we hit the gym 4 days a week together in the morning. We were going to do a duathlon together next month, but (thanks to a fantastic vacation) she fell off the schedule and won't be anywhere near ready; but there's always more races and she's still into it.
I have no delusions of finishing on the podium (let me work on hitting mid-pack first), and we only do small races together (5ks). So far, it works out. ;-)
brittda wrote: Well we did a
[quote=brittda]
Well we did a lot of IMC together last year. He caught up to me on the bike (he is a much better cyclist) and we rode together for about 60 miles until he got a flat. Saw him coming into T2 as I was leaving so I hung out and waited (to the tune of a 15 min T2, but I did not care) and then we ran the first 8 miles or so of the run until he told me to leave him--he was having tummy problems and I think I was irritating him because I felt good. We ended up finishing about 20 min appart but I got to see him finish his first IM which was great! He is getting much stronger now with his run, so I am going to have some copetition on my hands soon. We are both doing Pacific Crest HIM in a couple of weeks, should be fun![/quote]
That's great! IMO, the only thing better than doing an IM is sharing it with someone who knows what it takes. That's great for you!
Does he get it? Well... our
Does he get it? Well...
He's been in tris for about 15 years, while I have for about 4. So it is just a part of us, and I seriously feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Yeah it might sound sappy, but he is the best motivation/support/cheering crew/etc ever :)
I didn't think he got it
I didn't think he got it until I opened a wet suit I was wanting for my birthday....and then to hear the internet research and " I don't know anything about this,,help..." phone calls he made to find the exact right one for me made me feel really encouraged. No one at my house will run/swim or bike with me but that is ok. They have stopped asking what's for dinner when I come home and that is enough. I have yet to do a race that they have been at but this summer they will all be there.
When a catalouge came in the mail last month I did have to make a rule--no sarcastic comments about the price of tri gear Or the Bass Pro Shops- Cabela's catalouges were coming out for comparision time.
My husband has back problems so he does more walking and some boxing-- he hates to run and swim so I don't really expect he will join me in the fun but I will take unconditional love when I have a leg cramp in the middle of the night or fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 on friday night.
We got into this sport
We got into this sport together, based on my desire to train for a sprint. Since then we've been 1000% supportive of each other. Like Kylie and Mike, we've had to reach agreement about when he can drop me on workouts to keep us both sane. We're at very different levels of capability (he qualified for Clearwater last year and regularly podiums at Oly distance races in his AG, I'm typically mid to back of the pack), so we aren't competitive with each other. But, we spend lots of time talking tri, planning our seasons and workouts together, etc...
More and more of our circle of friends are people we race with or train with. We've said that if we ever had kids they'll be on tricycles by the time they learn to walk. Triathlon is part of who we are as a family now, even our dogs and respective parents/siblings know that!
It's great to hear so many
It's great to hear so many great stories. Most of the stories I've heard have been horror ones with the wife taking the house and the car! This is my first year doing triathlons. I've played sports my entire life and have been a gym rat from high school on. I was looking for something to keep me fit now that my organized sports career is done and jumped into tri.
My wife has been very supportive.
She helps me carry my gear to the transition area.
She watches my gear during brick workouts with an open water swim.
She yells and screams support during my races.
She understands the training commitment (as well as $ commitment) as long as I make time for her as well.
Overall I think that's the key. Be sure to make your loved one feel as if they are a part of what you are doing and that you understand the commitment that they make to your training as well.
D
I'm with TriSooner. But on
I'm with TriSooner. But on the front end I establish the expectation that there might be times she comes second, so I think that helps... This will sound bad, but people have told me that tris are my girlfriend, haha... I disagree, but those are non-tri people saying that. At least I laugh at myself for it.
Oh, and I don't seem to be able to keep a girlfriend during racing season... Thus I become the brunt of my fellow racing buddies jokes for that fact...
I just completed my first
I just completed my first triathlon (Boise 70.3) so I've only been doing this for about 9 months and I think my wife is finally coming around. She's been supportive, just not always happy about it. The biggest part is me getting better at timing my workouts on the weekends. She got use to the sleep pattern during the week, although she always gets mad at me for waking up early on the weekends because then she feels bad sleeping in (anything past 7:00 is sleeping in). The hardest part is getting others to understand it. My wife understands that I'm very driven in everything I do, so she gets it. But friends and her family all think I'm crazy. In the end it all comes down to compromises. She's happy that she can help decide my races so she can get a vacation out of it. And once she realized that Ironman was international, she was all for it. Your significant other may not be a triathlete, but try and find common interests and focus your attention on those.
caeagle16 wrote:I'm with
[quote=caeagle16]I'm with TriSooner. But on the front end I establish the expectation that there might be times she comes second, so I think that helps... This will sound bad, but people have told me that tris are my girlfriend, haha... I disagree, but those are non-tri people saying that. At least I laugh at myself for it.
Oh, and I don't seem to be able to keep a girlfriend during racing season... Thus I become the brunt of my fellow racing buddies jokes for that fact...
[/quote]
I don't think it is about 'training' someone.
It is about understanding and compromise.
When I was first getting to know my wife, before we even were thinking about dating, I talked about my kids, my divorce, my running and triathlons.
It was all about disclosure.
She likes going to the gym and running 5k's and she even did a sprint tri.
It isn't her thing but she understands it is my thing.
I make sure I get my workouts and training in early, and we discuss what races I would like to do.
She supports what I do, so I compromise and make sure I considerher as much as she considers me. She volunteered for the whole day at the Chesepeakman while I was in the race. It was nice seeing her at the aide station and her handing me my special needs bag. My wife and I arranged our honeymoon to Rome around me doing the Rome Marathon. Now that is understanding.
If you are having problems with a S.O. It may not be your athletic ability that is causing it. Having a healthy lifestyle with exercise benefits both partners. Being a little selfish is the nature of the beast with triathlon and we all are a bit narcissistic. Sacrificing a persons feelings and sabotaging your relationship for the sake of racing is a bit unhealthy.
I want a heathly realtionship with an S.O. to share my heathly body with ;-)
I am one of the luckiest
I am one of the luckiest guys as my wife is 110% supportive of what I'm trying to accomplish, first IM in 8 days. She has supported me every step of the way and is always asking me what else I need from her for support. We have 2 kids and I travel for work so it's not always easy.
On the flip side though my time is coming up as she is planning on doing an IM next year so I'll have to be the one tacking care of everything while she trains.
I don't think I'd have been able to do this if it wasn't for her.
I guess I'd have to give
I guess I'd have to give credit to my wife for getting me into this, and now me, getting her into this...if that makes any sense at all.
She was always a runner...that's it, no cross training or anything. So, I started running when we were first dating, mainly to tag along and knock any guys oggling at her away! :)
Then, when trying to get better at the 5k's, I decided to cross train, and I had always LOVED swimming (competitively did swimming when I was 10). So, picked that back up and figured I should add some biking to the mix. Then, got into TRI's. Honestly, one other reason was that I had knee surgery at the beginning of 2005, and decided that if I could do a TRI, even a sprint, my knee was fine.
My wife has signed up for her first TRI this July. We're doing it together, but do not train together, other than for the swim. The waves in the water throw her off, so I'm there to help train her through the waves, and to create some for her. :)
My wife is very supportive.
My wife is very supportive. She doesn't understand completely the obsession but she doesn't have to and she knows it. I think you have to be one to understand that. She knows I got started in all of this "exercise stuff" for health & fitness. She has picked up her activity level and we walked her first 5K together last October. I was so proud of her. Maybe she'll work up to run a 5K some day but it's Ok if she doesn't as long as she keeps "moving" for health sake.
I'm at a place now where I have time for just an hour a day and a couple hours Sunday morning to train. This does not compete with family time (specially if I start early) so there's no issue. When I get back to IM training next year I'll have to negotiate the long ride time. Giving as much advance notice on that and being willing to swap days to accommodate her plans some will go a long way toward avoiding resentment.
I mean in the grand scheme of life, I don't have to train 2 hours a day and 10 on the weekend to be fit and healthy but I do have to work things out with her to keep the relationship and without a doubt that is more important. You can have both if you're willing to not be selfish all the time.
I'll say this and probably be railed on - but as much as I understand Lance Armstrong's achievements, to me they are tainted by failure in a major way since he let his family get broken up while on that path.