Here is what I have learned about seats:
1) There is no silver bullet to the seat thing. It took me a few to find one I liked. The interesting thing I learned (at least for me) is that a harder seat was more comfortable.
2) Get a good bike fitting to make sure your seat and the bike seat are aligned.
3) More time in the saddle helps.
4) After years of riding, sometimes I still get sore.

You should not lift your head "up" to get air. (This will drop your hips and cause drag) You should rotate it to the side. (keep your spine in a straight line the whole time) In calm pool water, try to keep your bottom goggle in the water as good practice. Not sure how often you are breathing. (Many different views on this). Personally, I breath every time on one side (or every other stroke). I believe more air is better so when I also occasionally get a mouth full of water but I can skip a breath keep going since I am not too desperate to grab air.

It is good to learn how to beathe on both sides for rough water conditions but even then, I am taking a breath every other stroke. (or everytime on one side).

One thing a swim coach told me was to concentrate on breathing in the "window". Just imagine that when you are breathing to one side, you need to roll your head out, and breathe in the little window that you make with your elbow coming over the top... think of it as a triangle. When you concentrate on only breathing in this gap, you will have an easier time with the breathing....

I'd personally stay away from big 'ol gel saddles. They can actually cause more discomfort if you ride frequently or for long distances. Some will tell you that they'll make you impotent, but that's an urban myth. It's kind of counterintuitive, but if you get a nice hard saddle that fits you well (get your sit bones measured with that Specialized Butt-O-Matic), and get some padded bike shorts, you should be fine. You want most of your weight to be on your sit bones, and gel saddles basically distribute it to everywhere else where you don't really want it. That's just my opinion, but I weigh 255 pounds (down from 275 at the beginning of the year) and I have a tiny little seat, and I never really have too much butt soreness.

so a little update, my ass is no longer getting to sore after a bunch of seat time.
i also joined a swim group with a great coach, and my progress is huge. before i was just kind of struggling through laps, now i am more confident and doing drills wich are killing me.LOL
i have my breating down on my right side, working on my left.
three weeks till my first sprint.