So saturday was my first tri (400m/20k/2.7mile)....it was in florida and it was definately memorable....so here goes the play-by-play

none of this is made up at all (it actually did go down pretty much exactly as written)

Friday 3pm: I show up at the pre-race walkthrough (we race on sat) to find out how annoying and incapable of understanding basic instruction many people are......if i had an ice pick with me, I would have killed myself.....the only bright spot was the owner of BUTTAR who put on the race, he was the perfect mix of sarcasm and encouragement
Friday 8pm: I find out the bike course (which had been changed a few days earlier) has been changed again. Awesome.
Sat 4:30 am: I woke up to go over and pick up my buddy because we wanted to walk/jog through the run course that we had not seen before.
Sat 5:15 am: I show up to his house
Sat 5:30 am: He finishes eating his breakfast (thanks a lot for owning a watch cale)
Sat 6:15 am: We arrive on the course (Cale needed to stop at the gas station for snacks)
Sat 7:00am: get in line to use the restroom
Sat 7:15am: find out that the ridiculous long line was for guys changing in stalls and there has been 2 urinals open the whole time
Sat 7:45am:drop off my glasses (near sighted) and wander to the start area
Sat 8am: Wonder in amazement at how far 200m seems when you are on shore looking into the lake
Sat 8am to 8:05am: get in water and attempt to get used to cold
Sat 8:09am: wade back into the water and wait for my wave to start
Sat 8:09:01am: regret wading into 65 degree water
Sat 8:10am: We are off
Sat 8:12am: still having no luck with the whole, breathing like a swimmer in 65degree water thing
Sat 8:15am: annoyed but confident I'll be able to breathe soon
Sat 8:20am: is that stupid bouey moving again?
Sat 8:22am: man there sure are a lot of people swimming the other direction than me right now
Sat 8:25am: Heck yeah suckas, I got to the bouey......that's right, get some....oh, the only suckas around to hear me are the lifegaurds asking if i'm gonna make it...
Sat:8:26am: I thank them for the consideration and tell them I refuse to not finish so please keep asking that question every 60 seconds, and if I don't answer, go ahead and pull my limp body out of the water, revive me before we get to shore, and tell everyone an alligator attacked me.....after asking if the bouey is floating toward the shore and not getting an affirmative response I make my way to shore
Sat 8:30am: is the shore moving again?
Sat 8:35am: seriously consider faking an alligator attack
Sat 8:37am: tell the female lifegaurd following me, that since I'm blind, I'm gonna need her to tell me she's ugly so I don't feel so degraded and useless in front of a pretty girl
Sat 8:43am: I touch land and almost kiss it like edmond dantes in the count of monte cristo but since I get dizzy as soon as I stand up decide against going to the ground intentionally
Sat 8:43:30am: ask one of the judges if they happened to see the entire field turn around half way to the bouey and if this kind of rampant disregard for the sport would be tolerated.....i was assured the entire field would be disqualified
Sat 8:44am: get to transition entrance and proudly announce to another judge that I gave everyone a head start to make it interesting......he laughed and replied "jokes on them, huh?"
Sat 8:44:15am: Find out that my helmet strap no longer has one of the clasps needed to fasten
Sat 8:44:20am: ask God why he can part a sea to let people out of egypt and I can't have a helmet clasp
Sat 8:44:21am: apologize to God
Sat 8:44:22am: here my friends sister hollering at me, she has a few hair bands and literally ties my helmet to my head
Sat 8:47amish: leave transition on bike
........now the really awesome thing about being the worst swimmer ever is that you don't ever get passed after that and all you do is pass people......unfortunately, they are all people, who at the moment you pull up next to them, stink exactly as much as you do at triathlons, so passing them is not anything to pat yourself on the back for.......
Sat 9:29ish: come screaming in the bike, probably 70 or 80 mph conservative guess of course
Sat 9:30: get to my bike rack and see, 4 kids have put their 13inch tall bmx bikes from the kids race in my space
Sat 9:31: my bike is cheap, I am now running, my bike is on top of the bmx bikes
Sat 9:32: regrettting the decision to run......i.....am.....dying
Sat 9:35: regretting regretting my decision to run, I am a runner, and none of the people still running are (because they, unlike me, have finished)
Sat almost 9:50: come to the last turn and turn and pass two guys, as we near the chute I sprint like i'm running from a tiger becuase I think I hear them coming after me
Sat 9:51: I am finished and my sister asks me why i was sprinting so hard with noone near me.....i looked dumb
Sat 9:55: wander to the athlete food area, I hear they have bannanas and bread
Sat 9:56: once realizing they are full loaves of bread being broken apart by bare athlete hands, I ask to start a new loaf without infected lake water and sweat dressing rubbed into it
Sat 10am: start bugging my friend to get ready to leave so we can got to olive garden
Sat10:45am: leave for olive garden......yes 10: freaking: 45

400meter swim 32:53
20k bike 42:04
2.7mile run 22:01

so....are you pros scared yet.....huh....that's what I thought ;)

it was the most miserable thing i've ever done

can't wait for my next one